In the privacy of the office, the women tell me their experiences every day, they consult me, they listen to me, I listen to them, we exchange feelings and opinions, we laugh, we get excited and we question each other. Every day I hear more women wonder if they are the only ones who feel alone with what is happening to them. They tell me that they have hundreds of doubts about the changes in their body or about their emotions, and sometimes they are even terrified of the stages that are to come.
This book is for all of us because sometimes –or many times– we feel like this and it is born from a deep need to find answers. We so need to know each other more! It is that they explained very little to us. They denied us the information, they made us believe that there are good and bad stages, and that “things happen” inevitably. Too many mandates to fulfill, ways to love, paths to follow. They told us that they used to “debut” at a certain age and under certain conditions, that they should be mothers, and when and how to be one, among so many mandates, beliefs and myths, such as that sexuality in pregnancy is dangerous, that in the puerperium yes or yes we were going to suffer, that after 50 years we will have urinary incontinence, that we have to love according to the heteronorm, that adolescence is a hard stage, that menopause is the end, and a long list of etceteras.
We all at some time faced questions that worried us, such as: “I want to get pregnant and I can’t, what do I do?”, “I just had a child and I don’t feel like having sex, does it only happen to me?”; “Is it normal for my vulva to itch almost every month?”, “How do I clean myself?”, “I don’t know how to talk about sexuality with my daughter, what if she asks me things that I can’t answer?”, “It’s hard for me to connect sexually at this stage,” “Can I use an IUD if I haven’t had children?”
ring a bell? It is not easy to be in everything at the same time, to be the women that we are and also to take the time to take care of our health. It is not easy to enjoy without guilt in this macho society, nor are so many other things for us, such as growing in the profession, progressing economically, sharing upbringing, asserting our rights, etc. enjoy the stages we go through and live our sexuality freely, or be able to say no when we please.
We arrive to give you answers and containment, air and a breather. It comes to remind you that you are not alone. Try to clarify, illuminate and challenge the imposed rules, what they will say. We need to know ourselves in order to take care of ourselves and, in this sense, there are many questions about female sexuality and health, or about our vital crises –whether with our body, our health or our emotions– that still make us uncomfortable or in check because no one teaches us; because –although it may seem incredible in the 21st century– “that is not talked about”.
We need true information, that which empowers you, that allows you to expand, listen to other voices and experiences. Women deserve accurate truths. My profession, my being a doctor, my years in the office, having created and being a communicator, as through @flordegineco, has to do with that.
I wrote this book because I feel –and I know– that it is necessary to talk about this, that it is essential to know about women’s health and sexuality, but not only to count statistics or make an instruction manual for each stage, but to talk about us, of what happens to us from within.
Twenty-five years ago I still feel the same way I felt when, upon entering the residence of the Italian Hospital, I said that I was interested in becoming a gynecologist because I wanted to be a “companion on the way.” Nosotras seeks to be that and arises from the life experiences of real women who consulted me -and consulted- for hours, days and entire years, accompanying them gynecologically and, at the same time, listening to their life stories, their emotions, their doubts, their fears and their feelings.
This is a book about our feelings and emotions that goes through our vital stages, providing tools and knowledge to move through sexuality and health in a healthier way, so that we are more powerful at each stage. Here we are going to take care of our body, but also our mind and our spirit. We are going to talk about giving ourselves permission for pleasure in each experience, because I feel that my greatest mission is to work with women on self-permission to enjoy. But this book is not just for you, but so that you can understand and accompany other women of your lineage or your world at each stage or life situation: mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters, daughters, sisters-in-law, mothers-in-law, cousins, friends Hopefully, as you read, you feel part of this world that we all build together, that you can find help and relief from the side of freedom and trust, and that you close the book knowing a little more, ending why what happens to you happens to you. But, above all, know that you are not alone, that you are not the only one going through this experience.
Life is a permanent reinventing. We are constantly changing. We are different at every moment because we are alive. Let’s encourage each other and join each other every day in this feeling!
*Author of Nosotras, Editorial Planeta. (Fragment).
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